Full of Fear - Yet Charging Ahead

"No one lives out an exciting calling without just plunging forward at some point,

full of fear and uncertainty." 

(Niequist, 2015, p. 2)

Like some, I would characterize myself as a coward - maybe even go as far as saying a lazy coward. Reason? When God planted this mission on my heart, I was excited, pumped and ready to go as soon as He gave me that "green light". Then the dream became a reality and that's when the nerves hit - what on earth had I gotten myself into?

The amount of work that goes into launching a ministry was a lot more than I had thought; and to actually get heARTeffect off the ground, I needed to first get my head out of the clouds. Thankfully, I had more then a few amazing people surrounding me and supporting me with this mission. One specifically that gave me that final nudge to take the dive and actually get heARTeffect moving. If it was not for the tremendous outpouring of support from my fellow friends, family and peers, I know for a fact that heARTeffect would have always remained just a dream.

So, when I read the previously cited quote, it hit me like a ton of bricks - launching this ministry wasn't going to fill me only with feelings of joy and anticipation, it was also going to fill me with fear, anxiety and stress. Thoughts like, "What if no one shows up? What if now is not the right time to launch? What if I truly wasn't supposed to do this and it was all just make-believe, a whim of mine and not a calling from God?" All of these thoughts and more constantly run through my head because, as a human, I cannot see the future. However, as the child of God, I can say for sure, "Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." Matthew 6:10. I may not see what's ahead of me and the life of heARTeffect, but I can say for sure that He knows its mission, He knows its future, and I will happily leave it in His very capable hands.

Reference:

Niequist, S. (2015). 365 Devotions Savor: Living Abundantly Where You Are, As You Are. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.